I can still hear the music ringing in my ears, I can even feel the pound of the Latin beat reverberating through my chest as I leave the club.  All of us cramming into one tightly packed car to head back to the resort. This was the third or fourth time we had gone out to Club Christine's in Mexico, and the routine was the same, but this night ended differently than the others. I can't remember who suggested it, but instead of Sierra and I going back to our room, I found myself standing in Carlos and Alex's apartment. I entered the apartment a strong, fun loving, and confident 16-year-old, and left broken, scared and violated.

I should've left the apartment the minute Carlos asked me again if I wanted to "hook up." I had already told him and his friends earlier that week that I wasn't interested in a relationship, they were of no interest to me, I just wanted to have fun. 

What am I supposed to do now? Sierra is in the shower with Alex, I have no other choice but to wait in the front room hoping she comes out soon so we could leave, all I want to do is leave. God I wish she would just hurry up.

Carlos walks into the room.  The next thing I know I'm lying on the ground, my head pressed up against a wall, and his full weight on top of me.

Scream! Fight! Get him off!  I say, but no words are uttered from my  mouth. All I hear is his breathing. Not my voice, just a heavy in and out as his body heaves up and down. My hands cannot move anymore. Its like I'm frozen. Completely solid and unable to move. When water freezes it's a process, slow. You watch the water slowly cool and then fracture bit by bit until it changes form, before it turns into something completely different. And that night I did become something different, I did slowly fracture and all I could do was watch as the cracks spread. I laid there consumed in my own thoughts, unable to fight, unable to fight for myself. How could this be happening to me? What did I do wrong?

No longer did I hear the beautiful music or feel that Latin beat. I felt his breath, I felt the heat in the night air but instead of warmth it now brought a chill among my bones. All that filled my chest now was a sort of guilt filled shame. I felt alone, helpless, dirty and cold.


This blog was based on a true story.  Some details were modified to protect the identity of the victim(s).

Written By: Viet
Volunteer Model: Michelle
Edited By: Alexis

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